And here am I typing in this empty space once again. I should really get back into the habit of blogging. Shall attempt to blog at least once a week from now on but my long nails are really a burden haha. I can't even type properly now, much less play the piano. I've been trying to relearn my grade 8 pieces and I feel like really happy when I suddenly can play the song without even sight reading notes. It's as if my fingers remember the pieces by themselves, they know where to go next and all before I even read the notes haha. but I really need to cut my nails if i want to relearn properly. but I just cannot bear to cut my nails, seriously. Too pretty already HAHA. #bimbo
Gained 2kg during CNY period. Fuck my life. Too fat for my own good. I don't know how you can still love me despite all my fats and everything. I don't know how you can love me when I'm barely as pretty as them. i don't know how you can love me when I'm no where as good as them. I don't know how you can love me. when I can't even love myself properly.
3 months into this relationship, nearing the 4th month in 10 days, I can only say that this is the only true and real relationship that I had.
Never loved so much, never worried so much. Never felt so insecure. never felt so genuinely happy on a date.
I don't really know how to put this into words, but I just really love everything about this relationship. From the long bus rides with us sleeping on each other to the many different things we do together although we constantly have no idea on where to go. But what I really love the most is actually you coming over to my house and leaving at 11pm. I love how I dont have to worry about my parents anymore. I love how we just lepak on my bed and talk. It all feels so nice and I really just don't want you to leave my home. Just stay here with me?
I know I'm not a good enough girlfriend. I everything also say 'I cannot'. I don't dare to take the first step to many things, you often say that you're the cowardly one. But honestly, I'm not any better. I don't dare to go gym, don't dare to play pool and all. I don't want you to see the incapable side of me...
I'm just growing fatter and fatter thanks to my job as well actually. Everyday do nothing but eat and sit down for hours doing telesales or stapling seriously. Am I in sales or am I working for a factory production line. This job is fucking ridiculous. So fucking monotonous, how many times have I repeated my speech seriously. I just want to give up, I keep telling people I dont want to work anymore, but at the same time the super competitve side of me just wants to keep working harder and fight to get top 5 sales. sometimes I tell myself it's impossible and then sometimes I'm just like no, it's possible. I can do it. I don't know which side of me to listen to.
Luck is when opportunity meets with preparation.
This is probably the most meaningful thing I've gained from this job. apart from some sales skills are are actually a pretty valuable experience.
That feeling when you receive your paycheck is pretty incredible tho haha.
Okay so, my wife got a new boyf recently and he's really cute and all and I'm genuinely happy for her. I really hope this relationship of hers will last (since she's flying off to japan and LDR is difficult and all.)
And so she has the exact same problem as me - with her boyf having a crush on this girl for years, getting rejected after confessing, but then still continuing to like the girl anyway.
SOUNDS SO DAMN FUCKING FAMILIAR DOESNT IT.
the moment she told me that I was like omg I totally relate. seriously. but at least she doesnt have to deal with the double insecurities since kenji doesnt have an ex.
That feeling of insecurity seriously, you wonder if you're just a substitute, you wonder if he really loves you, you wonder if this is worth it, you wonder if this is going to last, you wonder if one day you'll get hurt, you wonder if one day you will hurt him. you wonder where this is going to go, you wonder if one day you realise this isnt going to go anywhere.
but you're still in the relationship anyway.
I've learnt how to stop stalking your ex, and to stop comparing myself to her. To stop even thinking about her and to stop mentioning about her. I'm starting to learn. Actually, I realised, I never changed. It's just that I've finally sort of gotten what I want. Someone that I love more, and someone that I cannot get. okay not that you're someone that I cannot get because you're actually mine right now, but maybe. you're someone that I'm really afraid of losing, someone i dont want to lose and that's why i treat you as someone that I cannot get so I constantly make the effort in trying to make you interested in me and to get you to continue to love me.
And then I realise I'm incredibly stupid because I randomly decided to visit your blog after months, expecting no new posts at all, but I found 3 new posts that I've not read before. You blogged about the new year, the first quarrel and your insecurities about army.
And I just felt really loved after reading the posts because I realised you've afraid to lose me as well. I realised things that you never told me.
I'm not looking forward to the army seriously. I dont want you to go. I dont want anything to happen to this relationship. But if I really love you, we will be able to get past this together right? Let just let this be a test to how much I love you then, I dont ever want to hurt you tho. You've been hurt way too much for someone with so little love showered upon. I want you to feel all the love and care and concern I have for you tho I don't know how to.
this post is so bloody skitzo, I have to wake up at 5.30am tomorrow because I have to be at TJC at 6.30am tomorrow because my work is ridiculous I MEAN WHO WORKS ON A SUNDAY AND WHO WORKS FOR MORE THAN 12 HOURS A DAY (SERIOUSLY IT'S AGAINST SG'S LAW.) but yes. I'm doing it anyway.
less than three, G.
?You're like a queen and beautiful
10:54 PM
Sunday, February 9, 2014