So, I haven't really typed a proper post in this space since,,, forever?
The only time I've took the time to type in this pretty georgia font was maybe when I got together with yiheng to record what happened.
I didn't even bother recording down what happened between Gerald and me. Maybe because I finally realised that there's isnt really a point in recording it down because I'll remember what I want to remember anyway (at least until I get amnesia or something).
I really miss typing my incoherent thoughts out here. It was something I did on such a daily basis back in SN. I hate As for eating up all my time ufhg.
But I'm really thankful, I've never felt so grateful in life. Looking back in the past 8 years of my life maybe, I'm really glad how everything worked out so smoothly, whoever is up there, looking down on me, taking care of me, I thank you sincerely from the bottom of the blood pumping muscle in my chest, protected by the ribcage.
I thank you for all the friends that I've met in these 8 years that never left me no matter what happened, Sonia, Sarah, Lianne, Genevieve, Ziting.
I thank you for my not so stellar O level results that lead me into CJC, that led me to the many amazing people I met in 2T28, guzheng ensemble and CJ in general: Judith, Winnie, See Yin, Phina, Ping Xin.
I thank you for all the boyfriends that I had and the one I'm dating right now as well: Isaac, Yiheng, Gerald.
I'm really a very very lucky girl. So lucky, so fortunate, that I feel afraid.
I'm really terrified that one day, this luck will be used up and when I fall, I'll fall so deep that I have no idea how to recover.
Today, I started working. It was the first job of my life and though it was only a 5 hours job (with excellent pay) I learnt a lot and once again felt extremely privileged. I worked in a team of 4 with a senior that closed 3 deals with around 1.1k sales, a 22 years old crazily bubbly girl that has experience that closed 2 deals wtih around 1.3k sales and another 18 years old girl with experience of a few days that closed around 5 deals but only had around $900 sales.
And then there's me, with zero experience, closing 4 deals, with around 1.6k sales.
Maybe, I'm made for the sales and marketing sector with this talent of mine where I can't stop talking. HAHA.
It was fun though, and it was nice to hear how the 22yo and other 18yo compliment me on how I have the aura of a leader and I also felt quite good hearing the senior say that I was prim and proper and idk, good in general haha.
I never expected my first job to go so well. I hope I get into Halogen for the internship, although the pay isnt really the best (actually pretty low) but for the experience and my interest in events management and youth, it's probably worth it :)
The interview last friday went pretty well I guess, but it probably went the same way for the other 27 applicants. 28 hopeful applicants with only 5 vacancies. It's a tough fight. I'm not quite sure how I fared, but I guess I could attempt applying for emitasia if it fails and I'll probably get in considering how I managed to get top sales for today HAHA.
Oh, I mentioned that I felt privileged. It was probably because the other 18yo, behaved as if she was still in secondary school. She was actually impressed with ALMOST EVERY SINGLE THING in RGS. It was just a very ordinary school to me. The only thing great about the school, was the fact that it's RGS. I was just like, imagine her in SN, with the newly renovated campus and everything. It just made me realise, that I took everything for granted in SN. I took the people I mixed with for granted. They spoke proper english, with proper pronounciations and acted their age, if not more mature.
I am honestly so grateful that I chose SN, and the fact that my results took me to CJ where the culture is so similar to SN with good people, people that you can treat as family and pretty much just make friends everywhere you go in the school. (Not that there's any less bitching and gossip, but that's what makes it fun isnt it ;))
Hmm, now that things are going so well, I guess the only thing that I have to face next is the release of the As result in March, which honestly, I think, will be the worst set of results of my life. But hey, I thought that my Os result was bad and it took me to CJ and everything turned out alright. What's the worse that can happen even if I fail my As right? There are so many other paths I can take in this life I guess.
Yes, you can change your fate by studying hard to pursue your dreams. But for me, I had no dream. I still don't have one. I only have a vague idea of what I don't want to do. Wherever my results take me, I believe that it'll be the best for me. It was the amount of effort that I had put into, it was what I deserved for studying- or not studying for that matter.
Guess I'll just have to face reality when it knocks on my door.
Right now, life is pretty awesome with dramas and occasional work and dates. Oh and christmas ;)
Christmas this year will finally not be lonely. I still remember christmas '11 where I emoed while watching DGM cause I had no date for christmas and everyone seemed so happy celebrating christmas haha.
This year, things will finally be different because I actually have someone that is really special to me to spend it with me. I don't know how I actually got my wish and found someone that I love more that loves me back. I don't know if what i'm feeling is supposed to be how i'm feeling. Because to know that you love someone more than how that someone loves you, Idk. It just doesn't feel good. But I'm glad that at least he loves me back, though it may not be as much as my love for him. I guess it's just because I was used to being the one being showered with endless love and just reciprocating for the past 2 relationships. Now, I'm am the one being proactive in giving love, I'm not just reciprocating. I'm in love, not in love with love. Finally. I guess being the one loving more is benefial to this entire relationship thing for me anyway, at least now I'll not feel like running away. Now, I don't care if I can't flirt with other guys because even if I want to, and even if I did. It will not lead to a break up like the last time, because I just need a hug from G, and I'll know that's where I want to belong to. And it actually really helps that my family knows of my relationship as well because now I can finally go on dates openly, stay over, and even let G come over. It feels good, to finally not have to hide anything from my family. I really really like this :)
And now, it's time to continue the xiaoshuo that I was working on, until I get bored or get a writer's block and decide to watch a new drama or something. :)
(Just finished the master's sun and it was a reallllllly good drama. The OSTs are so good ide. ;))
?You're like a queen and beautiful
9:15 PM
Monday, December 23, 2013