I've not given up the desire of wanting this year's countdown to be special.
I still want to be someone's special someone. But my rational mind tells me that it's stupid to get into a relationship now because there's no point getting into a relationship fast, because you'll just fall out of it even faster. There's no point in getting into a relationship now because it's JC after all and you need to study.
But still, feels kind of lonely when you see all the couples around. Being cute and all.
-/
Got back three of my midyear papers. I did okay as compared to some others I'd say. At least I haven't failed anything yet.
A for H2 math.
E for H2 bio.
E for H1 geog.
I'm like one fucking mark away from a D for bio. Fuck this shit. And the highest in class is a D .__. so basically, I'm second highest in class for bio. HAHAHA. AND I WAS FANGIRLING THE NIGHT BEFORE. OOOOH HELL YEAH. HAHAHAHA.
#fuckyeahhhhhh
but no. E is not enough. I need to do better than this.
?You're like a queen and beautiful
12:56 AM
Everything is too overwhelming right now.
As the AHTC of the class, as trini low.
I really don't mind mass texting the class about everything, I mean I have unlimited smses afterall. And I really like to do something for the class even if it means just texting them reminders and what not to pass down messages. But it gets really overwhelming when everyone texts me back questions, as if I'm supposed to know the answers to everything. "where's the key trini?" "I lost my bio notes, what should I do?" "Is there a lost and found area in our school?" "One laptop per group or one laptop per person?" And sometimes, all of these come all at once, because I mass text. And I have to reply to each and everyone individually. I don't mind, really. But it gets all too overwhelming sometimes. And I really can't help but think that I'm doing more than the HTC of the class even though I'm only the ASSISTANThtc. I don't know.
And then, there's PW. I'm the group leader of my PW group. At first when I saw the list of members in my group, I was happy really. Like, happy because I thought I could work with them rather well. But I guess it's turning out not as good as I expected. Sometimes, I get really pissed off at some of them, but I really just cannot tell them that. I mean, that would sour our relationship and it's only the beginning of our journey in the same PW group. And so because of this, I then feel like I'm a fucking two-faced bitch. Because I'm pissed but I cannot tell them that I am. I can only push it down and act like nothing is fucking wrong when everything is. And you, who always never fails to say that 'we're screwed' every single PW lesson. I know we are, but we are all in this together arn't we. Will saying that we're screwed help? DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT TO HELP SALVAGE THE SITUATION? I know that you're fucking busy. WE ALL ARE. I just really don't want to continue putting on this facade of being a good leader anymore. I was never meant to be a good leader. Amanda told me that ' [I] have really good leadership skills' Do...I? I don't know. If I really do, I wouldn't be having so much trouble right now right.
And then there are class dynamics to talk about. HTC and you (the same you as above) goes on and on about how there's something weird about class. Weird? What weird? At first I thought nothing much about it. But then again, thinking about it. Maybe it's true. Maybe I'm not the only hypocritical bitch around. Sometimes I really fell like all of us are just being nice to each other superficially and not because we really really care about each other... But I might be wrong of course.
All of these are just too troubling...
But yet, I'm kind of enjoying this at the same time. I like the feeling of having responsibilities. It pushes me to do things that I won't usually do. It's pushing me to grow up. And I really do feel like I've matured a whole lot since the start of JC. It's a good thing I guess.
But growing up never ends.
It never ends until you're dead.
?You're like a queen and beautiful
9:43 PM
Everything will end well.
Just in the previous post I was complaining like shit about failing bio and what not. But guess what. I only did 22/30 MCQ questions because I had no time. But I in fact got 18/30 which is essentially 18/22 if you see it in a positive way like me HAHA. IMAGINE IF I HAD THE TIME TO DO ALL. or rather. IMAGINE IF I ACTUALLY STUDIED EVEN HARDER.
Can't wait to get my papers see how badly I do for some. Eg, GP.
I LOVE T28 SO MUCH. SERIOUSLY. They're the best class I ever had. Every class outing class party is just so enjoyable. And they're such fun people to go shopping with, we don't judge each other. And they're such fun people for camwhoring too. Can't wait for all the parties we planned out for june hols. Study hard together, play even harder together. Love them so much.
Mask party, ECP, Sentosa, Drinking party (thank god for 3 eighteen years old in my class to buy us drinks!!) CANNOT FREAKING WAIT.
Lovelove.
I love this photo. #justsaying.
?You're like a queen and beautiful
8:03 PM
Can I just stop studying and just fail bio? I mean, what's the worse that can happen? Retain? Come at me bro.
I really, really just can't any of this anymore. I swear it's because of bio that I don't even have a single bit of inspiration to write another paragraph for my xiao shuo. All I want to do is just take my computer with me and type away. I want to write.
I don't understand a single shit about DNA transcription and translation. Why must the DNA strands be read from 3' to 5' direction? Why must the daughter strand in DNA replication be elongated in the 5' to 3' direction? WHY ARE ALL OF THIS SO FUCKING CONFUSING?! The only subject that I actually like now is only math. Math and only math. It was the only paper that I took without feeling fucking screwed up after that. I actually don't even want to go for the class outing to celebrate the end of MYE tomorrow because I want to continue writing...
What is wrong with me. How long can this last. How much more can I take. How will my future be like. I don't know.
But life goes on.
If I actually retain this year, I'm not even going to bother to take another year in JC. But I don't want to go to a poly either. I mean the only courses I was interested in was Biotech/biomed and NOW I HATE BIOLOGY SO FUCKING MUCH. So I'm pretty left with nothing much to choose from.
Fuck life.
?You're like a queen and beautiful
7:47 PM
┌有一天，男孩对女孩说：“对不起。” 然后，他一声不响的往返方向走去。他不给女孩任何说'不'的机会。但其实，女孩什么也不想说。因为女孩明白，因为女孩成熟，因为女孩爱男孩。┘
对不起，不就三个字。但简简单单的三个字所包含的爱，恨，无奈，委屈，包容，却胜过任何一篇文章。
and maybe I'll continue that some other time. HAHAHA.
?You're like a queen and beautiful
8:39 PM
Saturday, May 26, 2012