Thursday, March 31, 2011
Life is actually pretty simple if you think about it.
But is it my fault I am not as clever as the people around me? Why do they even have this cca points thingy? Leadership- what if some people like me that are just not fit to be leaders? because we are followers. does that mean that we're losers that do not deserve cca points? The natural born leaders with good leadership will always be chosen. They talk about cultivating leadership and god knows what. but in the end, it all rounds down to whether you have the capability of leading people don't you. and if it is always the born leaders that are chosen, when will the followers ever get their chance to try to lead. and what if they are not meant to be leaders at all in the first place, because they do not know how to get people to listen to them and let people trust them? Just because they can't do that so they don't deserve cca points under leadership? Actually, maybe it's just my own fault of choosing to come to snsecondary. snprimary was really superbly awesome for me.
Why am I even talking about this.
I should be sleeping. Fear is unwritten. guess I have to tell theresa chan: 'sorry I forgot to bring my english file' tomorrow.
Will you give me a reason to believe that I should be here?
?You're like a queen and beautiful
10:39 PM
I'm tired.
I feel like hibernating and not doing anything.
?You're like a queen and beautiful
9:12 PM
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
I can't believe this. I feel weird all over. I know it's wrong. But I can't and don't want to do anything about it. I want to be skinny. I don't want to be the current me.
Fear.I wish you knew how I think about you every night before I sleep.
No words can describe how I feel about you. I hope the feeling is mutual.
False hopes.I want to study and work hard. But every time I get motivated, it all crumbles when I see the first question that I don't know how to do. I can't move on from there.
Desperate.I don't want to cry anymore when I get things that I totally can't do. I don't want to feel like I'm hopeless anymore.
Helpless.
?You're like a queen and beautiful
9:24 PM
Monday, March 28, 2011
thanks uh really. for reiterating the fact that i'm fat. ya, i know that. So what do you want me to do about it? Starve myself? Become anorexic or bulimic? Am I supposed to believe what my family tell me- that i'm fat and according to my brother i look like a tang yuan or something -,- or listen to my friends that tell me i'm not? the ugly truth or hypocrisy? yeah, thanks to that you just made me waste the money you've spent on dinner tonight, cause i puked them all out.
conformity. individual vs society. I'm conforming to society's standards or how a girl should be in order to be called pretty/ skinny. Literature is telling me not to conform but i still am going to anyway.
from today onwards, im only going to eat at 9am break. whatever. honestly.
?You're like a queen and beautiful
8:10 PM
Sunday, March 27, 2011
ORGINAL.
AFTER!
HAHAHA. I WAS PLAYING AROUND WITH LIKE WINDOWS PHOTO GALLERY. not even photoshop. HAHA JUST LIKE THE SATURATION/TINT/BRIGHTNESS AND STUFF. quite fun. i like my purple/pink sky! so pretty. heh.
oh yes. during the one week holiday i got bored so i decided to play with my 4 pairs $2 daiso fake eyelashes. OH MY GOD. ITS SO DIFFICULT. I DON'T GET HOW PEOPLE CAN DO IT SO FAST AND WELL. /amazed and know not what to say. I TOOK LIKE 15 MINUTES FOR EACH EYE?! not counting the applying of eyeshadow and stuff. omg. this kind of thing waste time only. BUT I STILL DID IT ANYWAY. CAUSE I WAS BORED. HAHAHAHHA.
this is like after i did one eye. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE. omg the power of make up. O: my natural eyelashes are practically non-existant after i put on fake eyelashes -,-
(and opps! boobage :/ but i only took a few shots since i dont camwhore.. so ya.)
SEE. THERE REALLY IS A DIFFERENCE. ONE EYE LOOKS BIGGER THAN THE OTHER.
AND TAH DAH. AFTER APPLYING ON BOTH EYES :D i spot my giant bear at the back! oh the stud im wearing is like doojoon's stud in g.na's mv :D HEH HEH. i think my make up skills not bad la okay. for someone that applies make up once in five years. TEEHEE.
wlao i feel like a total camwhore ):< IM NOT OKAY. but im not camera shy either. just. YA. IM NOT A CAMWHORE.
I FINISHED MY LIT G.A WITH THE HELP OF THREE PEOPLE. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. i should learn how to accept the fact that i need to ask people when i don't know how to do things :)
?You're like a queen and beautiful
10:41 PM
Saturday, March 26, 2011
I feel extremely disgusted by myself.
?You're like a queen and beautiful
3:48 PM
Thursday, March 24, 2011
I'm just a crying mess of nothing. It's not like the lit ga will be done if i can't stop crying.
Truth is, I don't even know why I'm crying. but I just can't stop crying. It's just a lit ga. But it shows how much i suck, how screwed i am, how much of a failure i am. What's wrong with me. Why can't i find just one thing I'm good at. Why am I either mediocre, or i just really suck.
Why, why, why?
I haven't even really started for studying/revising for Os and I'm already like that. How am I supposed to continue. How? Where am I going to find my motivation from?
Why do I even exist when I suck so bad?
Why am I even giving myself so much stress in the first place? But no, other's are under greater stress than me. They have SYF, and god knows what. Everyone's busier than me, and they're handling it. I am such a free person and yet, I still suck so bad. Honestly, what does this prove?
I'm good for nothing.
I'm hopeless.
I'm of no use.
I have never seen the point, I don't see the point and I'll never see the point in living.
?You're like a queen and beautiful
10:14 PM
today marks the day I've fallen in love with Super Junior for 2 years.
Happy 2nd year anniversary to myself. I didn't walk the first 3 years with SUJU but i'll continue to support them as long as they're around, because I'm an E.L.F.
EverLastingFriend-.
I really can't do lit. I really really want to drop lit so badly. SO SO SO BADLY. I mean, look, I don't even know what the fucking poem is talking about okay? oh god save me. And after the motivational workshop, I'm not even feeling motivated. I'm feeling even more demoralised than ever. Cause after one week + 3 days of break. I realised. I can't do differentiation anymore. Not completely. but like. yeah. And then I was doing the revision thingy in class during recess. and i don't know. i dont know. i dont know. I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ANYMORE. hufgnuarisgbpriae. fuck. what is with my life seriously. And then I was just being a bitch in school today. People around me are all dropping subjects. Fuck, I wanna drop lit too. And I don't even get rate of change. wtf. And I thought I could do chem. ya right. sure. all my fucking answers are wrong. thanks really. why must life be like that. how?
?You're like a queen and beautiful
7:01 PM
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
OHMYGOD. I HAVE A FREAKING GIRLCRUSH ON PARK HANBYUL. she is freakishly sexy and hot and pretty. OH MY GOD. SEVEN IS SO FREAKING LUCKY TO HAVE HER AS HIS GIRLFRIEND. I sound like a guy. whatever.BREUIAGBARIEUGBURIAEGUBAE
WHY. IS. SHE. SO. SEXY. OH MY GOD.
-.
motivational workshop had been not bad for the past few days. nothing much actually apart from the fact that coach dominic has sexy legs that are too short. HIS BODY IS LONGER THAN HIS LEGS. LIKE WHUT. ya. and it's been fun during the breaks :) and i'm totally an I personality. I/S actually. but i have less than 5 ticks for S so i guess i'm really I dominant. though i personally think I'm more S than I sometimes. heh.
77% left-brain and 23% right-brain. YA RIGHT. SO LOB-SIDED STILL CANNOT DO MATH/WRITE WELL. HAHAHA.
the huddles thingy today. was fun. but my class. really. i don't know. some of us are too competitive and some of us just don't give a damn. and some of us complain too much even when its over -,- i admit that i whine/complain and stuff during the activity but oh my god. seriously, girl. just shut up. AND I LEARNT SOMETHING FROM THAT ACTIVITY. FANNY'S HANDS GIVE ME AN QUAN GAN. HAHAHA. SO SECURE. LOL. and when venetia was crippled. omg i almost let go and she almost fell. BUT AT LEAST SHE DIDNT RIGHT. IN THE END I STILL PULLED HER UP :) it was fun. but if it wasnt for someone in my class. we could have succeeded in the class one -,- maybe it's not her fault. but i don't know. whatever. I think it's really gonna be difficult to bond my class.
--.
i still haven't done my english/lit homework. WIN.
?You're like a queen and beautiful
8:23 PM
Monday, March 21, 2011
YKNOW WHAT. I AM DAMN PISSED. PISSED FOR THUNDERSQUALL. MY GODESS D:
HOW CAN THOSE PEOPLE JUST FLAME HER WITHOUT KNOWING WHO SHE ACTUALLY IS IN REAL LIFE?! (okay how can i love her without knowing who she actually is in real life.) BUT WHATEVER. I LOVE HER FOR HER OH SO AWESOME WRITING. AND SHE SEEMS A NICE ENOUGH PERSON LOOKING AT HER INTERACTIONS WITH CATSKILT/MEIFACE/A BUNCH OF OTHER PEOPLE IN LJ. WTF SERIOUSLY. OKAY. EVEN IF YOU WANT TO FLAME HER. WHY PULL HER BOYFRIEND IN?! ARE YOU JUST JEALOUS THAT SHE'S POPULAR IN THE SUJU FANFIC FANDOM ON LJ BECAUSE SHE WRITES WELL?! SHE FREAKING DOESNT FORCE PEOPLE TO SHIP YEWOOK/LOVE RYEOWOOK. DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING EVIDENCE SERIOUSLY -,- RIDICULOUS.
):< catskilt wrote an awesome entry for her. but well. i don't know thundersquall that well anyway. and she's close to catskilt. seeing how they meet up for heart-to-heart talks. and thundersquall wrote an entry too. after quite long though.
(yeah, i do stalk them.)
I LOVE YOU THUNDERSQUALL.(sheena) although you will never see this.
?You're like a queen and beautiful
10:14 PM
Saturday, March 19, 2011
I am not obliged to do this for you. Why do you sound as if I'm supposed to be doing this .___.
But I say 'it's okay' because it's really okay since
I like you and you're my fucking friend.
-.
I'm planning to bid for thundersquall's fic on the help_japan comm on lj :D The highest bid so far is 23USD? heh. but omg that person is bidding for henhae. GROSS. NO WAY. MAN. Sonia and I plan to bid 25USD but we might increase as the auction continues! 25USD is around 31SGD. can la. I mean the money is a donation for japan! and thundersquall will write us a fic (longer than 2000 words) for that. OH.MY.GOD.LIKE.OH.MY.GOD. thundersquall's my god. I WORSHIP HER. HAHAHAHHA. I love her!!! why is she so awesome♥ HAHAHA. I AM SO GOING TO BID FOR A EUNHAE COLLEGE!AU PORN. HELLL YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. I really need a eunhae porn from thundersquall. if. not. i. will. die. seriously. SERIOUSLYYYYYYYYY. teehee ^^
--.
Currently hooked on YUI's namidairo. Gorgeous song :) It's the ending theme song for the Jdrama i'm watching now. The drama's not bad I guess. Totally my kind. A little like unubore deka. quite funny too. but unubore deka is funnier. 4 Shimai Tantei Dan. :D
---.
School's gonna start soon. Yesterday at amath tuition, my tuition teacher gave me chung cheng high (main) 2008 MYE paper for revision. I did the first question. and just totally stared at the second question for like 10 minutes -,- the first question was trigo. and i just realised. HOW MUCH TRIGO SUCKS AS COMPARED TO DIFFERENTIATION. okay la not just realised. but. i realised. disgusting. and we're going to learn trigo in differentiation when school reopens -,- shit. and oh yes right. the second question is like partial fractions. TOTALLY. FORGET. HOW. TO. DO. damn. i'm not ready for the Os at all man. shit.
----.
When I take the train sometimes, I see so many people around me with headphones and earpieces. I'm one of them of course. and then I can't help but wonder what songs they're listening to. Maybe one of them is listening to the same song as me at the same time.
-----.
yknow what's sad?
Having a one week holiday and not being able to wake up late once. THAT. IS. SAD.
I'm sad. I woke up at 8.30 last saturday, 9 on sunday, 10 on monday, 10 on tuesday, 9 on wednesday, 9.30 on thursday, 9 on friday, 10 today. and probably 7 tomorrow -,-
YES. 10AM IN THE MORNING IS EARLY. I ONLY CONSIDER 11.30AM ONWARDS LATE. My life D:
wow. long entry :)
?You're like a queen and beautiful
7:39 PM
Friday, March 18, 2011
12th march 2011
kay /\ above isn't from 12th march. but from guangzhou ss3 last year i think. OH MY GOD.
MARRIED OTP IS MARRIED. EUNHAE. had a really awesome time highing over them yesterday with ziting on msn/phone. HAHAHA. and she finally changed her dp/updated her status after like 2 years. LOL. It's been a long time since we highed so much. actually no la, the last time was ss3 in sg :D EUNHAE IS SO REAL.
god. I love them so much.
?You're like a queen and beautiful
11:49 AM
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Currently addicted to Japanese dramas.
Thanks to jdramazone.com i'm just downloading dramas like crazy since all the dramas there are subbed and hd :)
It's march. How many more days left to Os? Does it even matter.
I finally took the time yesterday to go find out about the H1 H2 H3 thingy in JC. yeah. I still don't exactly get it but whatever. what H2 is 2 units and H1/H3 is 1 unit. sigh.
You're thinking about what to do tomorrow;
She's thinking about how to survive this minute.
#prayforjapan
?You're like a queen and beautiful
9:11 PM
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
And I just know I'll never be as good.
?You're like a queen and beautiful
9:29 PM
Saturday, March 12, 2011
"I'd do anything to protect you, Roza."
Where are you, my Dimitri Belikov? I'm waiting for you.
I really don't mind an Adrain Ivashkov either<3
?You're like a queen and beautiful
1:04 PM
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
I just realised something.
I've completely stopped copying homework. wow like WOW.
I think I still copied a little last year? Like some math homework and lol chinese zuo ye.
But this year, I completely stopped eh.
amazing for someone like me that have been copying since P2.
HA.
?You're like a queen and beautiful
10:52 PM
Monday, March 7, 2011
HEY. IN COM LAB NOW DURING HISTORY LESSON WITH JASMINE AND KELLY NEXT TO ME :)
oh no, people are going to find my blog soon since my url in here!
HAHAHA.
though I don't think people are that interested :)
ofmg, bloody cold. i can't type.
"you lead such a sad life trini" -Jasmine
I cant type and I cant see.
WIN la. I took out my contact lens in class cause it was so freaking uncomfortable, then omg one side chipped off -,- so im like half blind now D:
till we meet again, :)
?You're like a queen and beautiful
9:51 AM
Sunday, March 6, 2011
I've been feeling incredibly lazy these few days. I just can't bring myself to do work, with the exception of math.
Gosh I love going crazy so much. It's a song btw.
Its like a cooler, creepier, more amazing and super stalker-ish version of love the way you lie. The difference is that Jieun is better at singing as compared to rihanna (in my opinion) and okay fine. eminem is like godamn awesome at rapping, and bang yongguk is a newbie, BUT HIS VOICE IS SO DEEP. ITS NOT FUNNY. it's like godamn deep, and yet his face, is so cute. omg doesn't match at all. His voice is so unique, a little like TOP but its different. Love the lyrics.
"I get thrilled at the sound of your shaking breath."
omgggggggggg
and the way yongguk does that psycho boyfriend smirk while rapping oh my god.
I finished Bloody Monday 2 last thursday. and hmmm, BM2 sucks as compared to BM1. I feel so cheated. Bloody Monday 1 was so awesome with the bloody x virus and stuff, bm2 is just about like nuclear bombs that doesnt explode -,- J's hairstyle there is damn awesome though :D BM1<3
Downloaded a new jap drama called Life that talks about high-school bullying, rape, suicide and self-mutilation. LOL. Only watched one episode so far. Not very good but yeah.
I don't wanna cry no more, more.
?You're like a queen and beautiful
3:03 PM
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
I had once forgot how to smile last year.
It was during Jubilate... and everyone was camwhoring. And I forgot how to smile, so all my photos turned out so awkward. It was weird.
but its alright, because I know I can always count on you to make me smile :)
?You're like a queen and beautiful
7:23 PM
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
"why are you like that?"
Just stop fucking asking me that question already. Like why the shit would I know why I'm like this. Can I change how I am like? seriously.
god, this needs to stop.
What's the point of living.
I have problems waking up every morning no matter how early I sleep, waking up to nothing but a sick feeling in my stomach because i know- that today is just going to be like tomorrow. Math, science, humans, languages. I don't know. What else? Watch bloody monday during recess, or i don't know sleep? during recess, or go out to eat some days. and then finish off the day in school after 2 hours and 20 minutes, return home for lunch, homework, slack around with the computer. sleep. - repeat from step 1. having troubles waking up no matter how early i sleep.
If I'm fifteen plus and sick and tired of this routine, I wonder how am I going to survive the rest of my life- if I'm not dying so soon that is.
I don't mind dying in my sleep today.
?You're like a queen and beautiful
6:47 PM
