Biography

bold underlined strikethrough italic

Trini's.
121095.
CHIJ St. Nicholas Girls' School (Primary & Secondary)
P1P, P2W, P3P, P4P, P5C, P6C
S1C, S2P, S3L, S4L
PUBLICATIONS.
Catholic Junior College
1T28
GUZHENG ENSEMBLE

What is the difference between loving and liking?

Random musings

you pulled me back
caught me and left me hanging
in your pocket
you're my worst salvation, baby.
oh i wish i was not the one to walk away
to live life your way.

Formspring

Past entries

White rainbow;

♥ January 2009
♥ February 2009
♥ March 2009
♥ April 2009
♥ May 2009
♥ June 2009
♥ July 2009
♥ August 2009
♥ September 2009
♥ October 2009
♥ November 2009
♥ December 2009
♥ January 2010
♥ February 2010
♥ March 2010
♥ April 2010
♥ May 2010
♥ June 2010
♥ October 2010
♥ November 2010
♥ December 2010
♥ January 2011
♥ February 2011
♥ March 2011
♥ April 2011
♥ May 2011
♥ June 2011
♥ July 2011
♥ August 2011
♥ September 2011
♥ October 2011
♥ November 2011
♥ December 2011
♥ January 2012
♥ February 2012
♥ March 2012
♥ April 2012
♥ May 2012
♥ June 2012
♥ July 2012
♥ August 2012
♥ September 2012
♥ October 2012
♥ November 2012
♥ February 2013
♥ April 2013
♥ July 2013
♥ October 2013
♥ December 2013
♥ February 2014
♥ March 2014
♥ August 2014

Creditorials

Layout Designer:
?chocodiiction-lovesxoxo*
Others:
? ? ?

Thursday, February 24, 2011

what a beautiful 500th post, dedicated to my first F9 in my life.

I really didn't expect myself to fail. I was even expecting a B4 or something. What was I thinking about? How can I get that. For the first time in my 9 years, 2 months and 23 days in st. nicks, I cried. Yeah, I cried. Why can't I stop crying. Now that I'm alone. Is this retribution or something. Because I used to not study and pass and wonder why some people study so hard but don't do well and laugh it off. So now that I'm actually studying, I'm failing? I know I'm not making sense. I really wanted to cry during math lesson just now while going through the paper. But held it back. Because I said something around the lines of: I don't see the point of crying over results./ I don't get why people cry over their results/ I will never cry over my results. But I still cried after that. Is this what I'm supposed to get after studying for more than a fucking week for this fucking test? So now am I supposed to study 2 weeks, 3 weeks, 1 month before the exam? Or am I supposed to give up. Because now I know so well, that even if I study, I won't even do well. DO WELL? I didn't even pass. I didn't even fail by a few marks. I failed by 7 fucking marks. I got a fucking 38%. A fucking beautiful F9. The first one on my report book. I've never gotten anything worse than a D7 in my report book. Is this whole point of the CA? to make us realise that if you're dumb you're dumb. That hahaha, you have no other common test to pull your results up. This is all you have, A FUCKING BEAUTIFUL F9 ON YOUR REPORT BOOK. You tell me that, other people did worse. some people got 14. But I no longer care about how others performed. Why is it that some people can get A1s but I failed. I failed so badly. Am I overreacting? Maybe. I don't even know why I'm still crying while typing all these. Some people do badly for one subject. But they're so fucking good at other subjects. But me? What about me? What about me that missed A2 by half mark for my supposedly best subject bio? Not even an A1. I missed A2 by half mark. A2. Not even A1. Are results really that important? Why am I crying? I knew it. I knew that my mum would definitely say that I didn't put in effort for my exam. which is why i failed. I didn't even answer back this time. I didn't even say anything, when this time. I really truly studied for this fucking exam. But I didn't say anything. But other times. when perhaps I really slacked a bit, I answered back. What's the point of having tuition. When I still failed. I really wanna quit tuition. Cause I've never saw the point, and I still don't see the point. And I even have evidence now. People watch dramas during the CA period, people do all sorts of things. I didn't even watch a dream high even though I was so fucking tempted.BECAUSE IT WAS THE FUCKING EXAM WEEK. YA. AND WHAT DO I GET BACK IN RETURN? I really have nothing to say anymore. I lost any motivation I even had to do well. I don't want to bother anymore. But I know, that even if I'm saying this now. I'll still study for CA2 and I'm just going to fail again. and this is going to happen again. What kind of vicious cycle is this. I probably failed lit, history and i definitely failed ss. And even if I tell her that 80% of the cohort failed ss, she'll probably ask why am I not part of the 20% that passed. Should I blame her. Should I be like, then why arn't smart? If you're smart then I'll probably have better genes, a higher IQ, be smarter and be part of the fucking 20% you want me to be in. Ya right, and get slapped in the face after that.

I don't know what to do anymore. I never knew what to do anyway.