Sunday, February 27, 2011
I don't even know if I should feel sad anymore, if I should even cry anymore. Since you insist that I didn't study. Since you insist that if I actually did study I shouldn't be failing.
I'm not worth anything anymore.
What am I?
I am the rain falling down from the sky.
I am that girl in class that sits on the second table from the left in the second row when you enter class.
I am nothing but another person that is trying to find out what she wants in life.
I am the one that is trying to feel special.
I can breathe no more.
?You're like a queen and beautiful
8:22 PM
Behind the light of hope, is the shadow of despair; Bloody Monday
♥
Even though people can see reality, they take their eyes off it.
Because where there is hope, there is despair.
I love bloody monday so so so so so much oh god.
And I realised after finishing bloody monday season 1 its impossible to not continue watching with season 2.
downloading now~
Lovelovelove.
?You're like a queen and beautiful
1:30 PM
Saturday, February 26, 2011
I... can't believe I cried to the first episode of bloody monday...
when everyone was stuck in the mall, before they knew that the virus was fake. I really really thought all of them were gonna die. although, its quite uh like impossible la cause takagi is inside. -,-
Oh, my god. Like seriously.
Imagine us dying just like that, with blood coming out from like everywhere. kay, maybe not everywhere.
But. I have four words.
BLOODY MONDAY IS AWESOME.
I love it. so. much. and the actor is that koi zora guy. omg, love it even more. I feel like watching another episode now. but its like 1am? and one episode is like 1.5 hours. This is better than dream high I suppose.
?You're like a queen and beautiful
12:58 AM
Thursday, February 24, 2011
what a beautiful 500th post, dedicated to my first F9 in my life.
I really didn't expect myself to fail. I was even expecting a B4 or something. What was I thinking about? How can I get that. For the first time in my 9 years, 2 months and 23 days in st. nicks, I cried. Yeah, I cried. Why can't I stop crying. Now that I'm alone. Is this retribution or something. Because I used to not study and pass and wonder why some people study so hard but don't do well and laugh it off. So now that I'm actually studying, I'm failing? I know I'm not making sense. I really wanted to cry during math lesson just now while going through the paper. But held it back. Because I said something around the lines of: I don't see the point of crying over results./ I don't get why people cry over their results/ I will never cry over my results. But I still cried after that. Is this what I'm supposed to get after studying for more than a fucking week for this fucking test? So now am I supposed to study 2 weeks, 3 weeks, 1 month before the exam? Or am I supposed to give up. Because now I know so well, that even if I study, I won't even do well. DO WELL? I didn't even pass. I didn't even fail by a few marks. I failed by 7 fucking marks. I got a fucking 38%. A fucking beautiful F9. The first one on my report book. I've never gotten anything worse than a D7 in my report book. Is this whole point of the CA? to make us realise that if you're dumb you're dumb. That hahaha, you have no other common test to pull your results up. This is all you have, A FUCKING BEAUTIFUL F9 ON YOUR REPORT BOOK. You tell me that, other people did worse. some people got 14. But I no longer care about how others performed. Why is it that some people can get A1s but I failed. I failed so badly. Am I overreacting? Maybe. I don't even know why I'm still crying while typing all these. Some people do badly for one subject. But they're so fucking good at other subjects. But me? What about me? What about me that missed A2 by half mark for my supposedly best subject bio? Not even an A1. I missed A2 by half mark. A2. Not even A1. Are results really that important? Why am I crying? I knew it. I knew that my mum would definitely say that I didn't put in effort for my exam. which is why i failed. I didn't even answer back this time. I didn't even say anything, when this time. I really truly studied for this fucking exam. But I didn't say anything. But other times. when perhaps I really slacked a bit, I answered back. What's the point of having tuition. When I still failed. I really wanna quit tuition. Cause I've never saw the point, and I still don't see the point. And I even have evidence now. People watch dramas during the CA period, people do all sorts of things. I didn't even watch a dream high even though I was so fucking tempted.BECAUSE IT WAS THE FUCKING EXAM WEEK. YA. AND WHAT DO I GET BACK IN RETURN? I really have nothing to say anymore. I lost any motivation I even had to do well. I don't want to bother anymore. But I know, that even if I'm saying this now. I'll still study for CA2 and I'm just going to fail again. and this is going to happen again. What kind of vicious cycle is this. I probably failed lit, history and i definitely failed ss. And even if I tell her that 80% of the cohort failed ss, she'll probably ask why am I not part of the 20% that passed. Should I blame her. Should I be like, then why arn't smart? If you're smart then I'll probably have better genes, a higher IQ, be smarter and be part of the fucking 20% you want me to be in. Ya right, and get slapped in the face after that.
I don't know what to do anymore. I never knew what to do anyway.
?You're like a queen and beautiful
3:01 PM
Sunday, February 20, 2011
No other group in kpop can ever be better than dbsk in terms of music, voice and talent.
Maybe there will be one next time. But for now. I don't think so.
This is one of my DBSK moments again. Listening to all their ballads. Oh god. I love their voices so freaking much. JYJ's vocals are just plain. awesome. They're the best as 5 still though.
I'm no cassie, but I really want them back together again. So that they can come out with another awesome album together D:
?You're like a queen and beautiful
4:28 PM
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Life can actually be really simple if humans are not such complicated creatures.
If we can overlook everyone's flaws and be contented with what we have. We don't have to ask stupid questions about life and think about things that we will never have the answers to.
If we would just stop and turn back and say a simple 'thank you'.
-//
Felt really happy these few days in school. Maybe because I'm sitting right at the back. Jessie sits in front of me so i joined tables with kelly that is next to me during lessons after exams in the morning :) then Venetia comes over and joins us and be retarded with jessie and liane. I love all these lame and retarded people oh man <3 Kelly you're my Hussien, Jessie you're my Bubiyan, Liane you're the gay Warbah that signed the I-Rahbah treaty with me and kelly because I AM SADDAM. and venetia is I-RAQ's slave- the kurds. HA. This is how retarded we can get even at secondary 4.
English paper- surprisingly okay. But I don't have much expectations because i suck at summary.
Social studies- screwed because I fell in to Miss Law's trap ):< We need to write about US protecting saudi arabia but all i wrote was Iraq vs Kuwait. Die. I'll probably fail it. All I have now is my 2nd essay that I hope I have the right points and proper links.
Higher Chinese- The disgusting 4th passage about dust almost made fall asleep during the exam -,- But I guess its okay? Like any other normal tests- which means I won't do well. LOL.
Additional Mathematics- Was surprisingly not so bad. Because I didn't expect much. I see twelve marks flying away already though, because I didn't do the geom proofs questions at all. See what I mean about knowing the theorems but not knowing how to apply ):< Trigo was NOT THAT BAD. but still bad. I won't fail though. I HOPE.
Biology- I finished the paper really fast. Scary. The time given was an hour but i finished it in half an hour -,- I still had time to go to the toilet and come back to check wtf. I still left i think one or two blanks though. 'Cause I didn't study for ecology and impact on the environment at all. Laugh.
Literature- I thought that most people would go for question (b) but O: Quite alot of people did question (a). I think I wrote too much. Most people wrote two sides but I wrote three sides and I didn't have time for a conclusion. Disgusting. It's the quality that matters. And I suck so bad at literature. so. whatever.
Three more papers to go so that I can finally start watching dream high :D
-/
I think I love you.
?You're like a queen and beautiful
7:07 PM
Thursday, February 17, 2011
I AM GOING TO FAIL LIT TOMORROW. OH SHIT.
I CANT REMEMBER QUOTES DAMNIT. SHALL TYPE QUOTES OUT.
"I AM AMAZED AND KNOW NOT WHAT TO SAY."
"NO NO- I AM AS UGLY AS A BEAR."
"THE COURSE OF TRUE LOVE NEVER DID RUN SMOOTH."
"THE IRON TONGUE OF MIDNIGHT HATH TOLD TWELVE."
"LOVE LOOKS NOT WITH THE EYES BUT WITH THE MIND AND THEREFORE IS WINGED CUPID PAINTED BLIND/NOR HATH LOVE'S MIND OF ANY JUDGMENT TASTE/ WINGS AND NO EYES FIGURE UNHEEDY HASTE."
"THINS BASE AND VILE HOLDING NO QUANTITY/ LOVE CAN TRANSPOSE TO FORM AND DIGNITY."
"I'LL FOLLOW THEE, AND MAKE A HEAVEN OF HELL"
"FORGERIES OF JEALOUSY"
"WAKE WHEN SOME VILE THING IS NEAR"
"I AM YOUR SPANIEL."
"STRIKE ME, SPURN ME, NEGLECT ME"
"WE SHOULD BE WOOED, AND NOT MADE TO WOO"
"SCANDAL OF MY SEX"
"ROAR AS GENTLY AS A SUCKING DOVE"
"METHOUGHT A SERPENT ATE MY HEART AWAY,/AND YOU SAT SMILING AT HIS CRUEL PREY"
"EITHER DEATH OR YOU I'LL FIND IMMEDIATELY"
"REASON SAYS THAT YOU'RE THE WORTHIER MAID."
"REASON AND LOVE KEEP LITTLE COMPANY."
"I LOVE THEE NOT SO PURSUE ME NOT."
"ILL MET BY MOONLIGHT PROUD TITANIA/ WHAT JEALOUS OBERON. FAIRIES SKIPHENCE I HAVE FORSWORN HIS BED AND COMPANY/ TARRY RASH WANTON, AM I NOT THY LORD."
"TIE UP MY LOVER'S TONGUE"
"I HAD RATHER GIVE HIS CARCASS TO MY HOUNDS"
"A MILLION FAIL, CONFOUNDING OATH ON OATH"
"I GO, I GO - LOOK HOW I GO"
"SHALL WE THEIR FOND PAGEANT SEE?/ LORD WHAT FOOLS THESE MORTALS BE"
"PALE OF CHEER"
"WEIGHT OATH ON OATH, AND YOU WILL NOTHING WEIGH"
"JACK SHALL HAVE JILL, /NAUGHT SHALL GO ILL,/ THE MAN SHALL HAVE HIS MARE AGAIN, AND ALL SHALL BE WELL"
"HALF SLEEP, HALF WAKING"
"YET WE SLEEP, WE DREAM"
"METHINKS I SEE THINGS WITH PARTED EYE,/WHEN EVERYTHING SEEMS DOUBLE"
"HELEN'S BEAUTY IN A BROW OF EGYPT."
"that you have but slumbered here/while these visions did appear"
"no more yielding than a dream"
"a dream and fruitless vision"
"methinks i see everything with double vision"
i don't know what im gonna do tomorrow. i skipped ecology and impact on the environment totally (Y)
?You're like a queen and beautiful
9:48 PM
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
I'm worried for what's going to happen tomorrow, during my additional mathematics paper. I won't say that I know nothing, because I do know something. But what do I know? formulas that would be printed out for us. Theorems that I don't know how to use to prove.
I laugh at the questions. But the questions are actually laughing at me. I laugh- because I've been practicing for days, and I still can't solve these questions. They laugh- because I've been practicing and i still don't know how to solve them.
I tried for amath this time. The fact that I still have not memorised my bio word-for-word proves that point. I'd always turned to bio or chem first. But I haven't even touched chem yet. Oh and what about history and literature? Untouched too. Why? Because I've been practicing for a.math. and yet. haha. I still know nothing. Beautiful.
This is disgusting.
-.
Seriously, you're not the only one allowed to have mood swings. Don't come and fuck with me. So what? you can just ignore everything i said to you, but when I don't answer your questions. you can fucking scold me and i have to take everything? and when i rebut i'm being fucking rude and disrespectful? Fuck respect. I don't give a motherfucking damn. Why does everything have to go your way? When you're in a good mood you smile and laugh and i have to smile and laugh along with you even if im not feeling happy. when you're in one of your bad moods and i'm feeling happy do i have to fucking feel down because you are?! you have succeeded then. here am i bitching about you here. fuck this. fuck everything. fuck my bloody motherfucking life. it's been a real fucking long time since i used so much vulgarities.
-.
What do we do when we've achieved our dreams?
What are we running for?
What's in store for us in the future?
Who is going to give a damn if I die now- or tomorrow?
Who will cry for me when I not doing well?
Where are we going to go?
Why are we all so pretentious?
This is just absolutely disgusting and childish.
Yeah, I'm immature like that.
?You're like a queen and beautiful
9:54 PM
Run - Epik High
Run, run, run away.
Run, run, run away.
Run, run, run away.
No matter how much I run (I cant escape from it).
Run, run, runaway.
If I look back while running (Youre still there).
Its pitch dark.
The world moves on too fast.
Im the only one whos limping on both legs.
The path I must walk is endless.
Whats at the end of this path?
Are you going there knowing about it?
Will I learn the answers if I go there with my eyes closed?
The sky that never responds to a such question.The two arms tied up by a daily life is too heavy to embrace dreams.
Im scared, Ive been abandoned locked away.
Just for today run somewhere like your crazy.
Run till you can touch the sky with your hands.
Run till your heart is filled with your dreams.
Everybody run, run, run away
No matter how much I run (I cant escape from it).
Everybody run, run, runaway
If I look back while running (Youre still there).
You got me runnin runnin runnin around.
Down, down, down.
You got me runnin runnin runnin around.
Down, down, down.
You got me runnin runnin runnin around.
Down, down, down.
Away
No matter how much I run, Im still on the same spot.My life is a rainy night that rains 365 days.
Heart that gets smaller in every 24 hours.
I even hid the small comma and its tail,
then the future that awaits me becomes a period
But carry the new day on your shoulder and run.
What am I running towards?
Weather if the suns setting or I if Im loosing
I dont know.
But I go.
Keep on runnin runnin runnin high.
Im the young star that has been abandoned by the galaxy.
Run till you can touch the sky with your hands.
Run till your heart is filled with your dreams.
Everybody run, run, run away
No matter how much I run (I cant escape from it).
Everybody run, run, runaway
If I look back while running (Youre still there).
You got me runnin runnin runnin around.
Down, down, down.
You got me runnin runnin runnin around.
Down, down, down.
You got me runnin runnin runnin around.
Down, down, down.
Away
No matter how much I run, Im still on the same spot.
You got me runnin runnin runnin around.
Down, down, down.
You got me runnin runnin runnin around.
Down, down, down.
You got me runnin runnin runnin around.
Down, down, down.
Away
For you, whos running endlessly.
?You're like a queen and beautiful
8:17 PM
Saturday, February 12, 2011
I honestly can't believe that its been 2 weeks since ss3.
Why is time passing so disgustingly fast.
CA next week and im not done with anything yet.
Still trying to prove identities and failing.
God, i'm not even done with bio.
oh right, i didn't even bring my msnd back home -,-
and im shooting zombies on ps3 move. 'cause its more interesting than sin2A = 2sinAcosA and whatever shit la.
/ihateenglish.
?You're like a queen and beautiful
3:11 PM
Sunday, February 6, 2011
week 7 in one week and I've not started studying at all. wow.
See, this is why we shouldn't have CAs and stick to having tests every week.
/Never did approve of the stupid week 7 exam thing
-.
If I were to die tomorrow, would anyone cry?
Was he free? Was he happy? The question is absurd: Had anything been wrong, we should certainly have heard.
?You're like a queen and beautiful
7:48 PM
Friday, February 4, 2011
SpaceBigStar KimHeechul it's so easy to fall in love with you, and almost impossible to fall out of love with you. You're just so awesome like that. I love your genuineness so much. I admire your guts, love how you're so mature (the twitter thing last month? about tvxq and jyj. I'm so glad you didn't say anything. Because the whole thing made the sm artist that spoke up for homin seem so childish. and of course jyj was quite childish too. But Kim Heechul you didn't say anything, you just uploaded a photo of yourself with homin doing the 'keep your head down' pose. That's good enough isn't it.) Heechul you rebutted the anti fan in such a cool manner. You never lose your stand while making the anti fan look bad too even when you insult her, no one says anything, because you're so right. I honestly felt really angry and sad when people were saying how you lost your charm, how you look ugly now, how they don't understand people can find you beautiful and handsome; when akp posted your bathroom selca as an article. I was pissed, why? why did people think that you're ugly, when you're so gorgeous. Kim Heechul you're gorgeous. Everything about you is gorgeous from your eyes to your fingers to your sexy legs, to every part of you. Because you're Kim Heechul. But, then I realised, I didn't have to be pissed. 'Cause Kim Heechul you're wouldn't be bothered by this kind of comments, because you're confident about your looks, because you know that you're gorgeous :) And I love your confidence. I immediately stopped being pissed. I was disappointed during the concert when you didn't take my flower. But it's okay. I had the chance to meet you thrice, that's enough isn't it. You heard me saying I love you the first time. The second time was a mess, but I still saw you live. Singing and dancing, performing for me and fellow E.L.F. The third time, I was right in front of you. We made eye contact, and I'm about 99.9% sure that you saw my flower. because its so big, gay and bright. HAHA. That's enough :) Some kpopsecrets make me sick. There's one secret about her wanting to fuck you all night long. I'm grossed out. Yeah, I read smut and fantasize about you. But I've never had sexual thoughts about you .___. It's gross. 'Cause all I want to do is just love you from far. The fact that I had the chance to meet you thrice is enough. Of course if they come again I wouldn't let go of the 4th chance to meet them duh! Kim Heechul, I love you. Never change, who cares if you're 29 this year (korean age, 28-normal age) ^^
-.
I don't know why I wrote that whole chunk about heechul when it's not his birthday or anything. Guess I just had to do that after re-watching SS2 again. They're so precious, so gorgeous. No one can replace them. Leeteuk's tears, Heechul's everything, Hankyung's awkward korean, Yesung's voice of sex, Kangin's awkward dancing, Shindong's cheerfulness, Sungmin's talent in both singing and dancing, Eunhyuk's dancing, Donghae's perfectness, Siwon's godly abs and his precious voice that i've come to really love, Ryeowook's bright voice that shines in every song, Kibum that is missing in action and missed by everyone, Kyuhyun's awkward cuteness and deep voice. Forever Super Junior, Forever E.L.F. pearl sapphire blue.
my thirteen perfect guys. I less than three you guys so much.
--.
2nd day of chinese new year. I don't see the point in going house-visiting. Well, apart from the money. I go to this cousin's house like once a year? And play with her once a year. What's the point really if we're just going to meet each other only every chinese new year. Oh well, I still had fun though, playing monopoly with my younger cousins yesterday. I haven't played monopoly in like two years -,- I love monopoly<3 Yeah right we should be gambling BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PLAY POKER ):< DAMNIT. oh well. One day, i will learn how to.
And I should really start studying hard. The motivation I had to finish all my homework and stop being in homework debts is dying. that's bad. very bad.
?You're like a queen and beautiful
5:35 PM
