i think its already time for me to be a little more mature and learn that we have to let go everything. 'cause theres always an end to everything. everything. its like that every year, every single year, ever since i'm primary one. Just that when i was in primary one, i really couldn't be bothered about this kind of stuff. why do we grow up. we grow up to learn about different feelings, to learn that friendship never lasts, to learn that we have to face reality no matter what. In primary 6, i did not cry on graduation night. I didn't feel sad at all. I tried to cry, but i couldn't. Of course, i was thinking that everyone from my class would still be at St. Nicks secondary, not all but majority. Didn't feel the least bit sad at all. Moving on from primary 6 to secondary 1, i lost it. I started learning the fact that people are not simple. they are complicated creatures, they lie to you, they will do anything to get them going while they couldnt be bothered if you're going to die or not. They just care about themselves. The world revolves around themselves. I never realised that in St. Nicks Primary. i was all cheerful and i never thought about these kind of stuff. Just because i didnt need to. Because i was surrounded by people i love and i got used to them. However, now, i can't say that im surrounded by people i love. Of course, childish me went like i hate so and so last time. But that kind of hatred is totally, totally different from the kind of hate im talking about now. Secondary 1. i thought that my friendship with Sheryl Long would last forever and ever. (Just moving on from primary 6 to secondary1, i was still as childish and immature as ever.) But of course it did not. in fact we stopped talking to each other even before June. The reason being Sonia, Sarah and Lianne found Sheryl Long really irritating. And i was being a bitch. A total bitch to stop talking to Sheryl Long. So it ended. It was my fault. It was my fault. It was my fault. Though i did find her annoying, as her best friend for 2 years, i should've given up everything for her, though it would be kinda meaningless because she changed and i can't really accept the current her. I thought that i had learn from that incident. But no, im still as dumb as ever. Secondary 1 moving on to Secondary 2, Marianne Tan. We only became close during the Nov/Dec holidays in 2008. Because before school ended, i introduced her to DBSK and she became a fangirl. So we would talk to each other online everyday. But, i should've known being close online doesn't mean being close in real life. Though we did become close friends this year until i forgot, August, no it was before that, July? The only reason why we became close friends to best friends was because of idols, idols and idols. I realised we never talked about other stuff. i dont know much of her family and everything else about her. it was such a superficial friendship. one that i would not miss. Though when we were quarrelling really badly, it was the first time i ever cried over friendship. the first time ever. i never thought i would ever cry over best friends, it was as if im desperate for best friends i could not do without one. She's possessive. As the days went by and i got closer to Genevieve somehow, she started feeling jealous, because i guess she thinks that im her best friend and only hers. But if it's like that why didnt she feel jealous over Sonia and the rest. But anyway, yeah she thinks that i have Genevieve and i could do without her. She apologised, I apologised. She wanted to talk in real life again, we said hi and no more. Its a relationship that would not be okay anymore. Then Genevieve... i really want to have a friendship that would be everlasting. That kind of even after graduation we would go to the same JC, then we would go to the same university, then we would have the same jobs, and continue being the best of friends even when we are married and have children. Even when we grow old. But i guess its just impossible isn't it. Genevieve is going to the EC class, C1a. Next year, she would change, i would change. It wouldn't be the same again. She would be a councillor, and i would be someone still struggling to pass her tests. We would not have common topics anymore, even when we eat tom yam chao fan together, its going to feel awkward, even during cca, we won't talk that much. She would have her own new friends and me too. I know that would happen. it just will you know... this kind of things... i can't help but feel like a self-centered selfish freak that Genevieve would reject her offer to C1a and go to the same class as me. i just... i don't know. I know i should be happy for her. she's offered to be in an EC class, she's going to be a councillor, she's going to be everything i'm not. Genevieve, have fun in your EC class, don't become like those typical EC class people okay ^^ i guess i'll learn, i'll get used to this one year kind of friendship.